What Was Heard When He Uttered My Name

Life feels like it has been spinning a million miles an hour lately. Not only in my own life, as I observe people around me. Everyone seems to be in transition or contemplating transition. It’s amazing how quickly life can change; perception, feelings, the significance of someone or something, it can all change in the blink of an eye.

For me, the awareness of how much life is changing came at an unexpected moment. The New Man and I have found a routine where he crawls into bed with me when he gets off work in the early morning. It has been a welcome release from reality for me in the last couple of weeks and a wonderful way for me to start my day. As we were in the midst of starting my day off on the right foot, he whispered my name in my ear and it had the most profound effect on me. So simple, yet so significant to me.

When my ex-husband and I moved to this small town eight years ago and met The Other Man and his wife, they began calling me by a shortened version of my name and in turn introduced me to everyone that I met by that name. I wasn’t opposed to the nic-name, it has just never really felt like who I was. I didn’t really acknowledge my discomfort in the name until I was going through my divorce. It became a symbol of the version of me that I had become during the years I spent with The Other Man (and was not proud of). It was very interesting to see who respected my wishes to be addressed by my full name and who, to this day, refer to me by the shortened version. The people who know me well, refer to me by name and do not hesitate to correct anyone that calls me by the nic-name. The people who know me, but have never cared enough to ask my preference still call me by the shortened version. It is a nice daily reminder for me of who the important people are in my life.

But it was more when The New Man passionately whispered my whole name in my ear. It felt like freedom! He has never known me by anything but how I introduced myself, he knows nothing of my past, he knows no one that would refer to me by anything but my full name. It symbolized so much more to me then him being caught up in the moment. It was a symbol of this new chapter in my life, no need for reference to prior chapters or characters, a blank canvas in front of me.

Life truly does always give you exactly what you need, when you need it. I could have never come to my realization about the Other Man without his re-emergence and the opportunity for him to remind me of his true colors one last time. I could have never learned so many valuable life lessons without the time to process and let go of my past in recent months and right when this small town life was starting to get the best of my optimism The New Man walked in to my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that I am consumed by The New Man and this new relationship. He is in a very different place in his life and we do not have much time available to spend together, but he sure does put a smile on my face when we are together. No matter what ends up happening with The New Man, I will forever be grateful to him forĀ helping me take the last steps towards letting go, lifting me up and reminding me that I am a strong, beautiful woman, in one of my loneliest hours and for giving me a new-found optimism about this new chapter in my life. Not that he needs to know any of that right now.

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